The Epidemic of Nonchalants

Not responding to a text, even though you’ve already read it in the notification centre. Giving out enough breadcrumbs at the right time to keep the other person interested but not enough to seem like you’re actually invested. Swiping away the notification banner. Responding with a “never mind” SMS, when we were born to express. The glorification of nonchalance will be our downfall.

To appear more likable to a grand majority of people these days, is to pretend not to care too much. “Nonchalence” is an attitude that has recently gained popularity and is used to replace previously valued personality attributes like “cool” or “chill.” In all fairness, there is good in keeping a cool head, especially when it keeps the emotional baseline at a constant level, without allowing it to fluctuate like the weather in early spring.

Yet, the excessive glorification has led to an epidemic of nonchalant people, finding it awkward to admit to their thoughts and feelings and therefore inevitably – not living true to themselves. A lot of this recent development can be explained by the excessive need for control; emphasis on excessive. Deliberately keeping emotional reactions in check is often an attempt to appear less vulnerable and project stability in a world that remains inherently unpredictable.

It is almost as if people nowadays are terrified to their core of breaking, as though breaking would mean the end of them. But someone who has never shattered has also never learned to gather their own pieces and rebuild themselves. True resilience doesn’t come from protecting yourself to the point where no one is allowed too close to you anymore; true resilience sparks from knowing how to catch yourself, no matter how rough the fall.

As nonchalance is on the rise, it becomes particularly important to engage in the small moments of life: showing genuine interest by asking friends about their most recent crash-out, calling people out for doing you wrong instead of quietly walking away, speaking your mind, actively listening to a friend without any sort of digital communication. Empathy can be practiced through loads of actions, and it doesn’t have to be endorsement. Being on the same page as someone in every imaginable situation is quite impossible. Yet, it’s still possible to show them human understanding without approving of their ideas. Show up in your relationships, tell them you love them. Life will pass you by if you never take a second to stop and look around.

Excessive nonchalance is actively contributing to us being less in touch with ourselves and others, since honest conversations lay the foundation for deeper, sincere connections. Desperately trying to feel less - and more importantly showing even less to other people, reveals a quiet fear of not only the world but of oneself. Respectfully, nonchalance is giving unbothered and reserved in the worst way possible. Who are we as humans, if we don’t feel?