I am tired of being alone. I’m tired of spending my time with people who don’t inspire me. I’m tired of people saying my twenties are the best years of my life. And I’m tired of saying nothing but I, I, I.

When you think about it, the only person you spend every single moment of your life with is yourself, whether you like that or not. Before we discuss the importance of being comfortable on your own, let’s clarify something important.
Solitude, when prolonged and unchosen, can be deadly. A socially isolated individual is at higher risk for obesity, heart disease, anxiety, depression, high blood pressure, memory issues—the list goes on. Humans are not meant to be isolated, though more people than ever are. This quiet tragedy,and this is no exaggeration, makes it more important than ever for us to learn how to navigate solitude in a healthy way.

Not all solitude is the same. As one might expect, it is much easier to enjoy a situation we voluntarily put ourselves in than to face one we never wanted in the first place. Essentially, studies have shown that the degree of control we have determines whether solitude feels fulfilling or turns into a negative experience of loneliness. That being said, it’s also much easier to enjoy some alone time when we are still regularly maintaining meaningful connections. Again, we were never meant to be isolated from our tribe.

One of solitude’s greatest gifts is that it puts a stop to people-pleasing. Without others around, there is no pressure to conform or seek approval, and pleasing one person is a breeze compared to trying to please everyone else. This might just be why research shows that people often gain a new understanding of themselves, and, most importantly, of their priorities, from solitude. In learning to sit with ourselves, we don’t just find what we like – we become it.

And there are even more things that are born in silence, in the quiet moments. One of them is creativity.

Thinking of my life, the times when I felt my creativity spark were often those I spent alone.
It was when I drove up alone to see my dad, not seeing more than a handful of cars per hour, while the barren landscape passed me by.
The time I was lying in a hammock on the beach in Nicaragua, right next to a couple who had been arguing for what seemed like forever.
When I went for a walk along the same neighborhood I walked through every single day.
Sitting on a night bus for eight hours, dim lights, sleepless, but refusing to open my eyes.

One of the reasons creativity unfolds more effortlessly in solitude is the lack of distraction. Creative talents, in fact, rely on solitary activities. They require the deconstruction, and therefore the reconstruction, of ideas and cognitive structures. A process that primarily happens when we let our minds wander.

This is something that has become increasingly difficult. The hustle culture that has taken root over the last century forces us to constantly run from A to B, leaving little to no time to just exist. Daydreaming doesn’t even get the chance to move past the first few thoughts anymore – the ones our mind obsesses over. You know the ones I’m talking about. And so, our minds rarely reach the state where creativity truly occurs.

Reality constantly demands that we make choices. It either denies or confirms our ideas, yet rarely pushes us to question whether our assumptions are even worth questioning. Spending time alone slows the train of thought from racing at 60 mph. It allows us to be bored, to pay attention to what intrinsically interests us, without considering anyone else’s thoughts. It gives our mind the space to wander much further than it does in day-to-day life, allowing it to arrive at places it’s never been before.

More often than not, I emphasize the importance of having frequent, pleasant social connections, and I will die on that hill. However, life can be cruel and throw you into phases where you find yourself spending day after day alone. You wander around your apartment, which is technically too small to wander, occasionally lighting a candle, buying your favorite dessert, and eating it in bed.

And while at first you thought this was cruel, you begin to understand that this is your narrative. That you can be your own friend, too. And suddenly, you feel at least a little less lonely the next time you have dessert in bed.